In Rang De Basanti, the character of the British Jailer James McKinley who looks over the three revolutionaries go to gallows and pens his thought in his diary makes a profound observation, "I always believed there were two kinds of men in this world, men who go to their deaths screaming and men who go to their death in silence. Then, I met the third kind." (sic)
Over the years, from the time I saw the movie first time in 2006 weeks before my board examinations against the wishes of my parents, I kept trying to figure how can one embrace death in silence. My curiosity only grew in the next 14 years, taking me to read a lot of materials and it did humanize death for me. Losing loved ones to death also made me feel that Death is the ultimate truth. My readings of the Mahabharatha introduced me to a brilliant conversation between Yaksha and Yudhisthira where one question the Yaksha asks "What is the greatest astonishment in the world?" Yudhisthira replies, "While all the living beings know the certainty of death, they live their life in blissful ignorance of it."
My life can be neatly divided into two halves until now. An era, where I waited almost 7-8 years to take my second flight. When I waited for almost a month to receive an handwritten letter from my Kaka in USA to communicate. It took me 18 years to go abroad and visit my Kaka for the first time. Eight unsuccessful attempts to become a Chartered Accountant. No major success to find the love of life yet. The test of my patience, persistence and endurance is not a new phenomenon but the other half eroded these qualities in me. The other half saw me travel extensively in India and abroad in the remaining 10 years. I took multiple flights in a day clocking air miles left, right and center. Internet and sophisticated devices enabled me to talk on video to my Kaka in real time. It took my father almost 25 years to start an entrepreneurial venture and in 5 years of my career I could start my own small venture.
My favorite sport of cricket also underwent some speedy changes over my life, from a 5 day Test sport we were sped up to T20 fest of two games in a day and a 50 day extravaganza of continuous games called IPL. A small lag in my internet connection irritated me, the same guy who waited a 30 day period patiently to receive one letter.
This Pandemic reintroduced me to the virtues of patience, persistence and endurance. The speed of life which I took for granted including the things I could just jump and grasp at, are showing how difficult it actually is. Every small act seems like a wonder. Travelling which felt like a breeze now looks like a distant dream.
An interesting part of Sapiens, was men in the medieval ages never showed their wealth by how much they could travel but they built wonderful buildings. Pyramids of Egypt, buildings of Mughal era, Great Wall of China are some wonderful examples which we queue up to see in the thirst of our wanderlust. For us, travel became a necessity compared to the luxury it used to be. This pandemic brought me close to the reality I was enjoying the luxury without being grateful at all.
One virus brought the ignorance of death into our consciousness and that ensued chaos. What we always knew is right in front of our eyes, how does it change us as people will define each person and determine how we live in the post pandemic world.
I started screaming, feeling disillusioned, hopeless, anxious, depressed about the situation and a consistent barrage of news that snuffs out any hope that germinates within. It led to dark days in silence, living each day mechanically in a false hope that I will be again where I was before lock down. The rock bottom was when the reality dawned, this is the new normal and it will take years before we reach a pre-pandemic world, we may never reach it too. That did break me down totally. I reached out to Namrata, a friend I knew who could honestly hold a mirror to me and jolt me out of the melancholy. She pointed out exactly to the problem that I am worried for the end of pandemic which is not in my control and worrying won't solve the situation. I can only do the next best thing is to utilize this time to learn something, to make some improvements. Also, embracing the reality and adjusting to it.
Theoretically, it just needed shift in focus and perspective. Practically, though I had to draw a lot of motivation from an already depleted reserve. It took me back to all the situations I did have to deal with in my past "What is the second best thing can be done in this situation?" I revisited my favorite Test knocks from Sachin Tendulkar, Brian Lara, Rahul Dravid, Ricky Ponting, Kevin Pietersen and some Test bowling spells of Jasprit Bumrah, Wasim Akram, Shane Warne and Murlitharan. I also saw the part hagiography part cricket documentary "Test" based on the rise of Australian Cricket post "Sandgate Scandal" and suspension of Steven Smith and David Warner. Sachin Tendulkar's 241 at Sydney after a horrible series where he put a "new normal" of not playing a ball on the offside, since he was nicking the ball through the corridor, a shot that brought him a lot of runs. I actively conditioned my mind to accept the pandemic world. I worked on my inability to accept that life is going to be the way it is for a foreseeable future.
It is been a journey in these 50 plus days of self discovery. How little do we need to survive in life. Nothing we hanker for in our lives matter in the end. Sensory pleasures are luxuries and not necessities. I never owned things but things surely had an ownership of me. I had to just experience all that life shows as a mere spectator, but I started to feel like the director of it all. From my perch of privilege, I felt gratitude that even in these testing times, I have the blessing of a steady stream of food, money, occupation and a certain roof with ample space to practice physical distancing. I have my health and the advantage to not expose myself to the disease just to survive life without it. From being disillusioned to feeling some sort of enlightened, I write this piece today.
From being the first person in the observation of James McKinley, I started a steady journey to be the third. To embrace everything that is put out for me with enthusiasm because nothing lasts forever. This pandemic won't. I won't too.
KS
Over the years, from the time I saw the movie first time in 2006 weeks before my board examinations against the wishes of my parents, I kept trying to figure how can one embrace death in silence. My curiosity only grew in the next 14 years, taking me to read a lot of materials and it did humanize death for me. Losing loved ones to death also made me feel that Death is the ultimate truth. My readings of the Mahabharatha introduced me to a brilliant conversation between Yaksha and Yudhisthira where one question the Yaksha asks "What is the greatest astonishment in the world?" Yudhisthira replies, "While all the living beings know the certainty of death, they live their life in blissful ignorance of it."
My life can be neatly divided into two halves until now. An era, where I waited almost 7-8 years to take my second flight. When I waited for almost a month to receive an handwritten letter from my Kaka in USA to communicate. It took me 18 years to go abroad and visit my Kaka for the first time. Eight unsuccessful attempts to become a Chartered Accountant. No major success to find the love of life yet. The test of my patience, persistence and endurance is not a new phenomenon but the other half eroded these qualities in me. The other half saw me travel extensively in India and abroad in the remaining 10 years. I took multiple flights in a day clocking air miles left, right and center. Internet and sophisticated devices enabled me to talk on video to my Kaka in real time. It took my father almost 25 years to start an entrepreneurial venture and in 5 years of my career I could start my own small venture.
My favorite sport of cricket also underwent some speedy changes over my life, from a 5 day Test sport we were sped up to T20 fest of two games in a day and a 50 day extravaganza of continuous games called IPL. A small lag in my internet connection irritated me, the same guy who waited a 30 day period patiently to receive one letter.
This Pandemic reintroduced me to the virtues of patience, persistence and endurance. The speed of life which I took for granted including the things I could just jump and grasp at, are showing how difficult it actually is. Every small act seems like a wonder. Travelling which felt like a breeze now looks like a distant dream.
An interesting part of Sapiens, was men in the medieval ages never showed their wealth by how much they could travel but they built wonderful buildings. Pyramids of Egypt, buildings of Mughal era, Great Wall of China are some wonderful examples which we queue up to see in the thirst of our wanderlust. For us, travel became a necessity compared to the luxury it used to be. This pandemic brought me close to the reality I was enjoying the luxury without being grateful at all.
One virus brought the ignorance of death into our consciousness and that ensued chaos. What we always knew is right in front of our eyes, how does it change us as people will define each person and determine how we live in the post pandemic world.
I started screaming, feeling disillusioned, hopeless, anxious, depressed about the situation and a consistent barrage of news that snuffs out any hope that germinates within. It led to dark days in silence, living each day mechanically in a false hope that I will be again where I was before lock down. The rock bottom was when the reality dawned, this is the new normal and it will take years before we reach a pre-pandemic world, we may never reach it too. That did break me down totally. I reached out to Namrata, a friend I knew who could honestly hold a mirror to me and jolt me out of the melancholy. She pointed out exactly to the problem that I am worried for the end of pandemic which is not in my control and worrying won't solve the situation. I can only do the next best thing is to utilize this time to learn something, to make some improvements. Also, embracing the reality and adjusting to it.
Theoretically, it just needed shift in focus and perspective. Practically, though I had to draw a lot of motivation from an already depleted reserve. It took me back to all the situations I did have to deal with in my past "What is the second best thing can be done in this situation?" I revisited my favorite Test knocks from Sachin Tendulkar, Brian Lara, Rahul Dravid, Ricky Ponting, Kevin Pietersen and some Test bowling spells of Jasprit Bumrah, Wasim Akram, Shane Warne and Murlitharan. I also saw the part hagiography part cricket documentary "Test" based on the rise of Australian Cricket post "Sandgate Scandal" and suspension of Steven Smith and David Warner. Sachin Tendulkar's 241 at Sydney after a horrible series where he put a "new normal" of not playing a ball on the offside, since he was nicking the ball through the corridor, a shot that brought him a lot of runs. I actively conditioned my mind to accept the pandemic world. I worked on my inability to accept that life is going to be the way it is for a foreseeable future.
It is been a journey in these 50 plus days of self discovery. How little do we need to survive in life. Nothing we hanker for in our lives matter in the end. Sensory pleasures are luxuries and not necessities. I never owned things but things surely had an ownership of me. I had to just experience all that life shows as a mere spectator, but I started to feel like the director of it all. From my perch of privilege, I felt gratitude that even in these testing times, I have the blessing of a steady stream of food, money, occupation and a certain roof with ample space to practice physical distancing. I have my health and the advantage to not expose myself to the disease just to survive life without it. From being disillusioned to feeling some sort of enlightened, I write this piece today.
From being the first person in the observation of James McKinley, I started a steady journey to be the third. To embrace everything that is put out for me with enthusiasm because nothing lasts forever. This pandemic won't. I won't too.
KS
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